Treasure inside

Putting Marcus to bed tonight I read to him the creation and how God made all things.  We really got into, talking about what all God makes....animals, trees, Mommy's and Daddy's, which lead into his cousins.  Marcus said that Baby Josh was his brother, so when I corrected him, "No Honey, Baby Josh is your cousin.  But you do have a little baby sister", and reminded him that he had a baby sister his face lit up.  I asked him if he knew where she was?  And this was his reply...

"Mommy, my little baby sister is far, far, far, far, far away."
"That's right Baby, she's in Heaven with Jesus and God, way up in the sky"
"Mommy, Jesus and God and my little baby sister live on a cloud"
"Yeah, I guess that could be right Baby.  You know who else is in Heaven with Jesus and God?"
*Marcus looks at me*
"Momma Mary.  She's in Heaven too.  Do you remember Momma Mary?"
"Yeah.  Momma, she was sleeping the the really big treasure box.  It wasn't a gold treasure box, but it was a treasure box"

A thought came to my mind right after he said that.  To a child it is a treasure box, to grown ups it's a casket.  But you know, I think Marcus had it right, it's definitely a treasure box.  Our bodies might not be the treasure inside, but our souls are most definitely a treasure.  

It took all I had not to cry right then.  Life it too short and memories are keepsakes.  Our stories are what our children's children will pass down when we are gone.  And our children take in so much more than we give them credit for.  Marcus doesn't know his little sister, but I do.  It's my job and my responsibility to pass her story down to him so that he can have a little bit of Chatelle with him always.  And Momma Mary as well.  If all that Marcus remembers about Momma Mary is her 'sleeping', then it's my job to tell him just how amazing and wonderful and loving and Christ like she was.

Children are amazing little people.  Marcus is constantly blowing my mind with what all he takes in.  And tonight was a reminder to myself that he gets it.

I danced with Cinderella

So tonight on my way home from church I heard "I danced with Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman on KLove and a large amount of sadness flooded over me.  I tried to picture in my head Ben dancing with Chatelle on her birthday and picking out her prom dress and dancing with her at her wedding.  I tried to picture in my head what she would look like at each age.  What life would be like with her here.  How different things would be.  
 
It worries me that I don't feel heartache all the time.  I'm happy, life is good, yet out of nowhere a song can tare open my heart and make me remember all the pain.  Flash backs from my Doctors office when I found out she was gone.  Jump to being at the hospital on the table praying over and over again for God to do just one more miracle! Just one more, I know He can do it, I know He can do it.

My heart will never heal, my soul will always cry out for her.  As much as I long for her to be here I know she is exactly where she needs to be.  She played the most important role in my life.  Everything I do, going back to school, playing piano, singing, is all for her and all because of her.  Though my life got turned upside down, I have new meaning.

And wondering what she looks like and what she would be like at 14 months old and as she grows up, is nothing compared to what she will look like when I see her one day.  And that thought makes me overflow with happiness.